Yesterday was Media Day for the World Champion Boston Celtics and yours truly was tabbed to represent MIKE-FM by his boss.  It was a fun filled afternoon of mingling with all of the Boston Media types and Celtics Players.  I watched the press conference from the Health Point facility and then made my rounds getting various players to talk to me and record some audio that we can use on MIKE-FM at some point.

I thought for sure there would be some sort of Chicken served at this thing which is the real reason I went, but there was nothing!  Not even a diet coke was around.  So I spent some time watching the players get their pictures taken and looking at how tall Kendrick Perkins is and how Eddie House doesn’t ever smile.  Rajon Rondo was the clown of the group and reminded me of myself a bit, minus the basketball skills, million dollar contract and the fact he is a pro athlete!  I could’ve been a pro athlete if I wanted to be as growing up, my parents always said I could be anything I wanted when I was older but I chose a life in radio instead of pro sports.  Besides, who needs all of that money?

I was talking to a buddy of mine in Atlanta who tells me that they have run out of gas.  I thought for sure they were joking, until pictures arrived from their newspaper showing me the chaos at the pumps!  How do they run out of gas?   There are places that have some and the lines are 50 cars deep!  What moron does the gas buying for Atlanta?  Everywhere else that I know of has gas, except this area.  Did the guy driving the big tanker truck have a brain fart and just drive by Atlanta and skip it completely?  I am thinking of doing some calculations and seeing how cost effective it would be for me to fill up a super big tanker full of gas and drive it to Atlanta and sell it for top dollar.  For you Seinfeld fans, think of the episode where Kramer wants to drive the recycled cans in the mail truck to Michigan (I think that was it) to redeem them for $.10. 

There is a place in Acton called Bursaw Gas who I get gas from all the time and it is the cheapest around.  Today I paid like $3.25/gallon.  I don’t think they care about profit, so maybe they will sell it to me for $3/gallon and I’ll buy a ton of it and haul it to ATL and sell it for $6/gallon.  The people of ATL will just be happy that I cared enough to bring them gas and would gladly pay me for it.  I will be a hero and make some money at the same time.

The other idea I had was working with my chemist friend Nik (who is also a Lawyer, go figure) about somehow taking those free soy sauce packets that you get with Chinese food takeout and convert it to fuel.  I know it is a long shot, but it kinda looks like gas so I wonder if we can just make it gas.  Besides, it is free and you get like 400 packets when you order anything, so there is a huge profit margin, low over head and I get to have Chinese food.  Plus I would be solving a big problem and most likely would get my own day named after me in Boston like that nameless comedian I am not friends with right now.

Oh, and here is a great little story for you.  I have a friend in Maine who has been getting back into the dating scene lately.  She joined all of the typical sites and lined up a few chumps for dates.  She was telling me about how she has them on Thursday, Friday and Saturday night as well as a lunch date on Monday.  She was telling me about where she was going on her 1^st date and mentioned the Longhorn Restaurant.  As a joke, I told her to order the most expensive thing on the menu, eat 2 bites and say she was full and see what the guy did.  If he didn’t care, then he must be a nice guy.  If he got mad and asked to take her steak home, then he was cheap and probably a loser.  Again, I was joking. 

So the next day it turns out that she ordered a steak, ate 2 bites and was full!  Now, she was only full because she ate some carrots or something like that before dinner, not because of my horrible advice.  Well, the guy didn’t ask to take her steak home, he just removed it from her plate and ate it right there! WOW!  That is funny.  Needless to say, she will not be going out with Uncle Rico again!  (If you are not familiar with Uncle Rico, go watch Napoleon Dynamite so my joke will be somewhat funny to you.)

And to top it off, it turns out that ALL of her dates are at the Longhorn!  I laughed at that one because they must see her coming in there each night with a different guy and think she is Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman or something.  I asked why she keeps going there and it turns out that it is the only place to go near her house besides like Mel’s Diner or something!  Ah…the joy of living in Maine!

So that is it for now.  I will have some interviews up this week from whoever decides they are bored and calls me.  And just for the record, I still have not received anything in the mail from any Celebrity yet.  I still hold faith as they did promise me.  Oh, and I am down 17 pounds now.  I may have gained a few back last night as I had some pasta, but that was only because I thought there was zero carbs in it.  My bad!

Hear the Interview at Mike’s Audio On Demand »

Jamie is a pal of mine and called in real quick to talk about his new gig on Ghost Whisperer.  Make sure and check it out!

Well, today I have finally made it big!  The Lowell Sun has a little nugget in the “Breaking News” section today about my interview with Scott Grimes (scroll down more to hear it).  I always knew the day would come when my silly little questions would put me on the map!  Of course, my mother was the one to call and tell me about it.  The Lowell Sun probably tried to call me for an interview but I was too busy, ummm, well I was most likely in a meeting and my phone wasn’t working properly!  Click Here to read more about this and how I failed at being the Assistant (to the) Deputy Fire Warden at work yesterday.

What a weekend.  I don’t even know where to start today!  I spent some time at my favorite little Chinese place, Yee’s Village in Townsend.  Steve Yee has been a good little friend of mine since I was like 15 and I like to check in with him every few weeks for some of his chicken wings!  When you are on a workout plan like I am, Chicken Wings are not so bad, right?

So I grabbed my friend Nik (yes, there is no “c” in his name) and headed there for a night of bad decisions.  I am not a big drinker and really only drink Bud Light or now Bud Light with Lime every so often, but I decided to have my 1^st ever scorpion bowl.  I must say, pretty tasty Mr. Yee!  They seem to go down just as smooth as my diet coke and go very well with wings.  I had a few of these neat little treats and got into some great topics with the bar crowd, who were all in the same boat of understanding nothing anyone said but still nodded their heads and agreed with everything all while smiling!  After a few hours of useless banter and prank calls from the bar (someday I will share some with you), we called it a night and headed home.  And for the record, we had a DD, so MOM, you can relax when you read this!

On Sunday, I had my sons Pop Warner Football game at Oakmont High School in the nice community of Ashburnham.  Now, I am a huge fan of any sport my son plays in and supports his teams any way I can and just love to watch his teams play.   He is on a young team and they all work hard with the help of some great coaches.  That is what Pop Warner is all about.  You learn the game of football, have some fun and get a taste of what it will be like when you get to High School.  Well, I must say the fine folks of Oakmont have a great field, great teams and great coaches, BUT, the guy who runs their league needs to get a pie in the face!

I don’t even know his name, but I have never wanted to trip someone when they walked by me so they fell into a pile of manure as I did this guy!  He comes off as the kind of guy who was made fun of so much as a kid that he now takes it out on everyone around him!  Last year we had to play this team and this guy almost started a battle with our coaches (who remained calm!) over things that were just uncalled for, and now this year, he is right back at it all while in front of the kids!  I remember last year his own team parents were apologizing to us for his behavior!  All I want to say is youth sports are for learning and fun and you act like you are going for the Lombardi trophy.  I give your coaches credit, I would have told you to get lost a long time ago.  I’m sure you care about the kids and do some good things, but buddy, relax and enjoy the game!  It isn’t the kid’s fault you were always the last one picked for dodge ball and you had a horrible hair cut as a child!

Okay, now that I have that rant out of the way, I also stopped by my friend’s house to see his “straight from the oven” twins!  (Welcome Ryan and Gavin Rollo to the world and big shout out to their older brother Connor!)  They are like 1 month old, tiny and seemed to think I was funny!  I would tell them jokes and then make them smile by taking my fingers and moving their lips into smile position.  It is always great to get fake smiles from infants to make you feel like you are funny!  I had some gifts for them and that got me to thinking…What is the obsession with Rattles and why do babies like them?  I mean, they make such annoying sounds and give people a headache! How is that remotely fun for a baby to hear that?  I would much rather have like a pacifier that would sing sweet little songs to me or a diaper that had an alarm that would alert the adults as to when I had a mess so they could change me ASAP!  The rattle just seems so irrelevant and I will never buy one again to save all future babies I may meet of these useless noise makers.

Now, the best news of the weekend is with my Cousin Eric.  This guy is a professional model and has been all over the world doing his thing and we are all proud of his work.  BUT, now I think he is out to ruin my day!  I found out this morning that he just got back from showing off his looks wearing some new clothing line from Russell Simmons.  Now, you may ask why am I so jealous?  After all, I am starting my modeling career and should be happy for him, right?  Well, this new clothing line will be in Wal Mart sores and that means HE will be in the Wal Mart flier possibly before ME!  I can’t have that happen!  That is my baby!  I need to get on the phone today with them and see how I can expedite my “pictorial” so I can be the 1^st in the family to be in the flier!  I have worked too hard over the past 3 weeks to be upstaged by a family member who is leaving for Spain today to be in some high end catalog or something!  I think he has it out for me and intentionally did this to show me there is only room for 1 model in the family!  Well, I will show him!  Look for me to post some calls this week in my quest to make it happen!

I also have some interviews this week with Leslie David Baker who plays “Stanley” on my favorite TV shows “The Office” and local guy and one of the stars of “ER”, Scott Grimes.  Now, I need to go have a bottle of water and plot my next move with Wal Mart.  And, what the heck was up with the Patriots game?  Was that a bad dream??

Hear the Interview at Mike’s Audio On Demand »

Well, it looks like I have another best friend!  He called in to promote the season premiere of ER tonight and we ended up talking about Chinese Food, writing an album together, The Lowell Sun newspaper and Jenna Jameson.  Needless to say, and odd combination, but it was funny!  He even promised (like the rest) to send me something.

Hear the Interview at Mike’s Audio On Demand »

Leslie called in today to talk about the season premiere of “The Office” which is on Thursday 9/25 at 9PM on 7 NBC. I LOVE that show and his character Stanley.  I think I am like the white Stanley, only not as angry.  He even said he will send me something for my desk, but so did Sharon Osbourne and I have yet to get anything from her, so we shall see if it ever arrives!

Hear the Interview at Mike’s Audio On Demand »

I had a call come in from her today to talk about her show “The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency” which is on at 10PM this and every Tuesday night on Oxygen.  I think she liked me from the begining thanks to my charm and the fact she can make money off of me once I am a Wal-Mart Model!  She has a reputation for being a ltitle “rough” around the edges and I wasn’t sure what to expect,  but we hit it off and I wouldn’t be suprised if she takes me on vacation at some point and takes a ton of pictures of me for futrure Wal-Mart fliers.  She can be a little fresh, so keep the little ones away from this!

Well, what a day it is turning out to be.  I will apologize ahead of time for my rants today but between this $85,000,000,000 bailout of AIG, my shirt collar not staying down, cheating on my diet, deep thoughts about some dog who is always doing his business when I drive by and Dane Cook “getting too big for his britches” (an old line from my Dad…older people use that), it’s just too much for me to keep in today!  This could be a 4 hour read when all is said and done!

Let’s just start with Boston’s own Dane Cook.  He is in Boston today as it is “Dane Cook Day” or something like that and to promote his new movie, which I now refuse to even say.  He was making the local media rounds including a stop here in my building and I must tell you, this guy has a bigger detail than the 11 secret herbs and spices did when KFC had to move the recipe a few weeks back!

I should tell you that when I found out he was coming by last week, I made a call to “his people” to see if we could get him to do one of those “Celebrity Playlist Parties” that we do on MIKE-FM that are really cool (and gives him the chance to promote his projects), shoot a quick video interview for the website with questions from his fans as well as read a few recorded lines (that all of the celebrities read for every radio station in the world) that we would have for him that promote MIKE-FM and a few for the Franciscan Children’s Hospital Fundraiser we do.  I was told “no” and that there was just not enough time as he needed to get to his big ceremony at City Hall or wherever the big “gala” is.  Not to sidetrack, but I think someday I want a ceremony thrown for me…something at a KFC or Popeye’s that highlights my success as someone who eats chicken everyday (baked, steamed, grilled and fried before the diet) and has helped bring chicken awareness to the general public.  I feel it is safe to say I am the modern day Colonel Sanders and have been a great Goodwill Ambassador for chicken across the land.  Now, back to the rant.

Well, me not being one to give up and take no for an answer, came in extra early today to try and catch Mr.  Cook after he finished up with my colleagues over at WAAF.  All I wanted was for him to say a few little words into a microphone to promote this annual radio-a-thon we do here at MIKE-FM (Dec 19^th is this year’s date) to raise money for the Franciscan Children’s Hospital (click here to find out more about this amazing place) and to take a picture with me so I can look like I did something today and further populate my celebrity stalking photo album I maintain.  Total time needed, maybe 3 minutes at the MOST! 

Now, usually I need to act with the stealth of a ninja (which is very hard to do with a name like Big Daddy, I do not advise you trying that at home as I am a professional) to get these celebrity types to do anything as they have very busy and grueling schedules they must stick to and can’t be bothered with my silliness, but I thought for sure Dane would be there for me as he is from here and we both like to let our dogs do their business outside and not clean it up (click here if you have no idea what I am talking about so you can share in my joke).  But, I couldn’t even get within 20 feet of him, as his people rushed him out the door faster than Jacoby Ellsbury stealing 2^nd base!

Now, I will not put all of the blame on Mr. Cook here.  You see, in the world of “Celebrities”, you have your Manager, Agent, PR person, Stylist, Dog Walker, Personal Assistant, the Pool Guy and like 56,598,382 other people that you pay to run “interference” for you and are paid to make life easy for them and to keep people like me away from them.  I get it.  You are busy and have a million people pulling at your to do everything.  You can’t say yes to everything.  I am okay with that!  BUT, when you are going to be IN THE BUILDING (to promote your new movie which isn’t getting the best of feedback before it even comes out) and someone who may want to take 3 minutes of your time gets told no by one of your handlers, that is not cool.  I couldn’t even get close enough to you to put you on the spot and guilt you into doing it!  And to top it off, I heard through the grapevine that the Promotions Princess of WAAF had asked nicely to have him sign 5 of HIS posters for his new movie so they could be given as prizes to listeners, and she was told NO by his people!  Are you serious?  You can’t even sign 5 of YOUR posters for YOUR fans?

I am positive that Mr. Cook was never even told of my request.  Most of the “handlers” are too afraid to even ask them.  I am sure if he even reads this, he may feel like kind of an ass seeing that he goes on the radio talking about how much he cares about his fans and even writes back to a good deal of his emails because when he was 1^st starting out, he felt that was his best way to connect with them in hopes of “making it big” someday.  Well Mr. Cook, you are big now.  Too big to spare a few minutes, unless it is to fully promote your newest project that you need people to spend money on so you can keep getting these big deals and live the life you now lead out in LA or wherever it is, far away from your roots in Arlington.

I don’t mean to really throw him under the bus here, but it is a bit ridiculous.  I can honestly say I have never had a situation like this before.  We have had Paul Stanley from KISS, which is arguably one of the BIGGEST All-time Rock Bands in the WORLD do everything we asked him to do without any problems and he came in at 6AM to do it!  I don’t know, it just frustrated me a bit today that this went down the way it did.  And again, I am sure Mr. Cook has no idea, but you know what?  He is the star..he calls the shots…he tells his people what he will/won’t do for the most part.  So, in the end, he is to blame.

Maybe this will get to him and he will give me a call and we can put it behind us and share a few laughs.  I’m sure he is a good person and does a lot for his fans etc.  Maybe today was a bad day.  Whatever it was, I just find it hard to believe this is the Dane Cook we have all seen rise to the top and cheered for him along the way.

Now, I am taking a vitamin and moving onto bigger issues.

I am so annoyed with my shirt today.  The silly collar will not stay down!  I usually have these collar stays that I put in to keep it down, but could not find any of the 146 I have and had to go without today.  Well, now if I decided to run down the hall, my collar would be like a wing and I would probably start to fly.  I don’t know what to do.  I am thinking about trying to use some scotch tape or something to keep it down.  Any ideas?

I also had a weak moment today and had a breakfast sandwich from Burger King.  I had to get up so early today for my failed mission and needed a boost.  Healthy food does not seem to do it for me and I made the bad choice of the breakfast sandwich.  I convinced myself for 40 miles that it was ok to do as I will be at the gym later and will burn it off.  Well, now my little tummy hurts and I feel bad that I did it.  Overall I am doing well on this diet so I won’t beat myself up too bad.  Besides, it tasted so much better than lettuce and a protein bar!

Here is a little nugget for you that you may find odd.  I drive the same route to work in the morning and have been noticing that there is this black dog that I pass everyday on Rte 119 in Groton by Lawrence Academy doing his/her business.  Now, I may pass this house anytime between 7-8:30 AM depending on the day and this silly dog is always in the same spot doing the same thing!  And yes, it is a real dog as I see it waving its tail and it is always finishing up as I pass.  I just found it odd that is always happens when I drive by.  I know that is a very random thing to write about, but it is just odd to me.

And finally AIG.  Now, I will be the 1^st to tell you I could care less about any of this stuff as I am too consumed into writing my blog, going to the gym, sleeping and watching TV, but when I read that the US is giving these clowns $85,000,000,000 to bail them out, I was a bit perplexed.  The only part of it I was happy about, was that I have a very good friend who had a horrible day yesterday because of the situation as it made her day HELL!  Now that they are saved, it makes her life easier which I am happy for.

I again do not know the how’s/why’s of it all so I won’t even begin to write about it.  What I will say is how is it we can give this money to them and not be using it to help keep the price of gas down or give to people losing their homes or businesses because of the economy right now?  We (The USA) give so much of our money to foreign countries to help their people (which I am not always for as we have our own issues here) but now we are going to give it to companies that mess up to save them?

I don’t get how we just have $85,000,000,000 laying around in some bank to cut them a check.  I wonder how that works now that I think about it.  What is it like to go to your online banking and see that you have that type of loot in your account?  Some people here are living in shelters due to bad mortgages they had etc. and we are hooking up a company who probably pays its CEO $10,000,000 a year!

And I don’t understand how we just can’t print more money when we need it.  By we, I mean the Government.  I didn’t want you to think I was advocating we all just print our own money on our home printers…I don’t need the FBI on my back!  I hear people say that we can’t do it because it will bring down the value of the dollar or something like that.  Well, here is an idea.  DON’T TELL ANYONE YOU DID IT!  I mean, if we were to just print like a trillion dollars and just slowly leave it on the street for people, who is going to know we snuck some into circulation?  I say they just start printing it up and give it to me to distribute. 

Like I said, I do have the stealth of a ninja and can get it done, as long as it doesn’t involve me having to get it from Dane Cook!

Hear the Interview at Mike’s Audio On Demand »

He is the guy most famous for his “To Catch a Predator” and “To Catch an ID Thief” specials.  Tonight (9/15) he has an updated story regarding an alleged terror plot and the investigation into what authorities say could have been the worst terrorist attack since Sept. 11.  Catch  it at 10 PM on 7 NBC.  I let him talk about that and I pitched him on a few things I think we could do together.  I think he humors me and played along with no intention of ever working with me on anything.  Oh well, at least I tried!

So I do not know if this is normal, but I am feeling very moist lately and please let me explain 1st before you start making your own jokes!

Since I started this workout thing, I have been drinking a ton of water.  Well, starting yesterady I have this feeling like the water is pushing itself out of me, especially in my hands and it is wierd!  It is like a damp feeling.  Is this even possible?  Am I drinking too much water?  And trust me, I head to the little boys room all day so it isn’t like I am just retaining gallons of water here.  It is a mystery to me, but sure makes for some good talk around the office when I show off my water hands.  At least I know if I get thirsy, I can cup my hands and magically will have a nice little drink waiting for me.

And what is up with Obama making that lipstick on a pig comment?  I don’t care how he explains it, that was just weak.  And, for the record, I think Sarah Pailan is very attractive and in noway does she look like a pig.  And I remember Miss Piggy catching Kermits eye when she had lipstick on and was all dolled up.  He is starting to sound like a typical politician which I hate!

And the last little nugget I will leave you with today is my deep down hidden anger for Don Gorske.  Who is he you may ask?  Well, there was a story that came out that said he has gobbled down over 23,000 Big Macs since 1972!  And the best part is the guy is only 185 pounds!  If anything is to make a guy who is on a strict workout/diet angry, it is reading about some small little guy wolfing down 23,000 Big Macs and only weighing 185 pounds!  The guy must have some sort of external side stomach he can attach himself to.  I just can’t believe this!  I eat 1 cup of oats and I gain 2 pounds and this “man of metabolism” can shove 2 Big Macs down his piehole everyday and maintain Michael Phelps weight!  I don’t know him, but I do not like him.

Well, I am off to go research if I can lose weight eating a ton of Popeyes chicken.  Maybe there is something to this!