I know I have touched on this before, but I thought I would share a little more in-depth today. I hate vegetables.  Actually, I also dislike most fruit, pork, fish, and anything that is not from the poultry family or chips.  Now don’t get me wrong, I wish I did like all those things, but I am also fine just eating my chicken.  I eat chicken or turkey in 1 form or another every day and have since I can remember.  I do have vague childhood memories of eating fish sticks and pork chops though and am not really sure why I stopped or why I find them so gross.

Recently, on my Dr.’s advice, I went to see a nutritionist.  We sat down and I explained my situation.  She looked at me in a way that just said “Holy S%*t!”.  I honestly was expecting that though as I know there is no help for me and for that matter, I am not sure I even want to be helped.  I really just like my poultry.
I also know that this is mostly in my head.  I have convinced myself that everything is gross and I do not like it.  I can share some silly stories about my “food phobias” that would make you laugh and also think I was super weird.  One time I was with a friend and we went to get some stir fry for lunch.  The lady made it right in front of you.  I would wait it out until I was like the only one left in fear that my food would somehow end up with someone else’s vegetables in mine.

On this day, it was just the 2 of us so I felt a little better.  My friend has EVERYTHING put in his while mine was just chicken and noodles.  I watched her every move making sure not 1 shred of anything came across into mine.  And then I watched it happen right in front of my eyes.  1 small shred of carrot came flying across into my noodles!  It kept replaying in my head over and over again in slow motion.  I could feel the sweat coming down my eyebrow.  There was a carrot in my food!
As soon as we got back to the office, I had to dump it all out on a plate and inspect it like a TSA agent going through a suspicious suitcase.  I had to find that 1 shred of carrot and remove it ASAP or I would have to find something else to eat for lunch.  Thankfully, I found it and removed the problem.  I also had to remove the portion of noodle and chicken around it as they were contaminated in my mind.  Finally, I could enjoy my lunch.  Odd, I know.  But it is how I roll!

I will share 1 more little nugget with you.  I tried getting hypnotized once with a group of people for a radio bit.  Half way through he tapped me on the shoulder and had me leave the room as he felt it was not working on me and I really didn’t think it was either.  But like an hour later I started having the urge to eat green vegetables.  I don’t know why that was….but as the minutes went by the urge became greater and greater.  My co-worker (who was the same guy in the stir fry story above) did not believe me and said if I ate a big plate of them, he would buy my lunch.  I said ok and off we went!
The Japanese place we went down the street new me well and my issues with food.  They even had my own plate there with just chicken and noodles.  When we walked in, they immediately said they would order me my special plate but we stopped them and told them to add in as many different types of green vegetables possible.  They laughed and thought we were joking.  In fact, they called over like 4 more people there that knew us and had them laugh at me as well.  Once they saw I was serious, they rushed off to the kitchen to order it for me.

When it was ready, complete with broccoli, peas, pea pods and a few other things that were green, they all delivered it to my table still thinking there was something odd going on.  My co-worker watched in excitement, while still in disbelief that I would go through with it as I placed the 1st bite in my mouth.  I ate it and could not taste anything!  It really had no taste at all.  They all started laughing and were really in amazement.  Me, “Mr. Picky”, was eating a place of chicken and noodles with a TON of green vegetables!  I ate the entire plate!  BUT…there was 1 problem.

The more I ate, the more I was craving Bud Light.  I ended up drinking like 8 bottles and it was not even noon yet.  I still had to go back to work.  It was worth it as it made my day go by fast and I didn’t have to pay the bill!  When we got back to work, my co-worker told everybody.  Most did not believe him and he had to really work them over.  But, unfortunately the next day I was back to normal and had no interest in doing it again.  The feeling wore off and I was back to normal…well, normal to me.

So, now that you have an idea of how bad this problem is, let’s get back to my nutritionist.  As we went through the list of all the things I like and dislike, she asked me where I eat.  I told her that I really skip breakfast, eat lunch at the café in our building and eat out almost every night.  I either DJ in places that serve food or my friends own restaurants.  Her reply was that I need to find less of those friends and more friends that, and I quote, “were farmers”.
She explained that they know how to not only grow their own food, but that they know how to make it taste really good.  While I can understand that, I just don’t see how I would like anything from a farm except some fresh chicken.  I am not sure just because farmer Joe makes me some fresh picked carrot stew (or whatever you make with carrots) that I am all of the sudden going to start banging my spoon on the table yelling “more please!” like I am a little kid eating ice cream.

Popeye's is my FAVORITE place for Chicken!

So I am not sure what the future holds.  I am really not interested in anything new to my food intake menu.  I like my poultry and occasional beef selection.  I like pasta, bread and other carb type items.  While I think plenty of things that I don’t eat smell great, I have no temptation to try it.  I am picky, but happy.  Trying to find a way to eat healthy is going to be a challenge and a creative one at that.
My nutritionist will probably either quit her job over me as she will not be able to handle the feeling of failure or she will tell me she is booked and never see me again.  Either way, I think it will take a miracle and amnesia from blunt force trauma to the head to get me to change.  And if she is reading this, don’t get any ideas.  I will be looking for weapons in your office next time I come by.
With that said, it is lunch time and there is some form of chicken calling me down in the café!